5 years

5 years without you seems like both a lifetime and an instant. Life today is filled with love and joyful distractions. I think you would be happy about that. Is it silly to write you this letter since I talk to you everyday? I know you are with me all the time. I see the signs. Maybe that’s also why the tears can come so quickly- I am happy but the sadness over losing you is never too far away from me. I stumble over words like “widowed” or “passed” because they still feel unbelievable. Writing has helped. Sharing my musings like a pressure release valve.

Overall life without you is hard but the days have gotten easier with time. I still wish you were here on a daily basis (especially when I can’t find something in the garage.) For you to comment on how grown our nieces are getting or who’s doing what around the neighborhood. I laugh at our inside jokes and have passed some of your sayings on to Luna. Over the last 1,825 days I’ve tried to live the life that we envisioned. Drilling expeditions to exciting new places. Hard work but lots of play. A happy home filled with laughter, family and friends. Tacos. It’s not always easy but “how you do one thing, is how you do everything” so I keep at it. I live and love because I know it’s just this one precious life. 

PS- The lights came on today around 12:15am. Thanks. I saw them and I love you too.