I Saw the Sign

My birthday is on Halloween so maybe I was born more inclined to believe in the other side. We've talked about ghosts and other presences in my family for as long as I can remember. I've had birds appear, vivid dreams of my loved ones and other signs, which I'm told are are a way for those who have passed to connect with the living. I'm not sure I believe in Long Island Medium, but I've had enough signs to believe that some who have passed stay engaged with the affairs of the living. When Kevin died he gave me a few signs immediately. For about two weeks following his passing the signs were really strong. Eventually they became less frequent, but I still get hints of his presence here and there. A few weeks ago when my grandad died, I got another sign.  

In the moments before Kevin passed his breathing slowed to a point where we thought he had taken his last breath. It was part of the end, but not actually the end. It scared me and if I'm being very honest I cursed at him because of it (sorry babe). After he had passed and his dad and brother called the time, I asked out loud "is he really gone?" Immediately a fire engine siren blared.

Later that night, my mother in law asked me about turning on the outside lights for the mortuary van that was coming. Kevin was a handy guy and an engineer and he had conveniently wired and automated so many of the things in our home. It was not my area of responsibility (Side note: I always was a really judgmental about people who didn't know what or where things are in their house. Like- it's your house and your stuff. How does that happen? I was a real Judy McJudgerson, until I got a partner who so thoroughly took care of things in various areas that I relinquished all knowledge and concern about them.  And that, is how you become a lady who doesn't know how things work in your own house). So back to the story- I didn't know how to turn these lights on. Furthermore the access to figure it out was blocked by a couch and my husband had just died so I wasn't terribly concerned about the light or the people coming. I didn't think about the lights again until Kevin was placed in the van. At the exact moment the doors shut- the lights came on.  

When it was nearing the end for my grandad, I asked Kevin out loud (yes I talk to him like that) to send me a sign when my grandad was with him so I would know everything was alright. I didn't ask for a specific sign and in the moment I wasn't really sure what it would even be. We stayed at my grandad's bedside after he passed, waiting for the mortuary to come. Eventually my aunt got up and opened the front door and as she called out to us that the mortuary van had arrived, a siren went off. In the last days with my grandad, long after he had stopped talking or opening his eyes, I also asked something of him. I'm not ready to share what it was, but he delivered it to me not long after he passed.  

The picture below is another sign. When we found out my grandad was sick, it was a cold and rainy weekend in November. I drove home crying, unsure that I'd be able to live in this world with out both of these awesome men. I told Kevin as much and when I parked and opened my car door, this was on the ground. Turns out that I don't have to figure out how to live without them in this world. Just like in life, they are there when I need them.