The Universe

Two years ago I wrote a post about my journey to motherhood. I talked about eggs and Dole pineapple whips (two topics that are obviously closely related to fertility- 🤪 hah). I didn’t know how at the time but I knew in my heart that one day I would be a mom. I have always felt like there was so much love in my heart to share. Now two years later I’ve entered a new part of the journey. I’m a mom to a smart, kind, beautiful, 13 year-old daughter!

You might raise your eyebrows when I say I’m as surprised by this as you are. Of course this didn’t happen over night and yes, I was fully cognizant during this process. But where I started and where the universe has brought me has been totally unexpected. I often find myself marveling at the seeming randomness of it all. There were several moments where I wondered if this was the right way for me and the universe gently (and not so gently) said “yes it is.”  From an adoption-buddy family that I knew already, to an answer to a last request, to an exact repeat of a conversation that I had years before with Kevin... “at the end you’ll find it was never random” after all.

During the pandemic I reconnected with the adoption agency that Kevin and I found before his diagnosis. The process to adopt is not an easy one, nor should it be- on the other side is a child. It took almost 7 months with lots of training, reading, paperwork and interviews. After that I was able to review children waiting for adoption from the foster care system. In November my social worker said “did you see the profile for Lottie.” (Lottie is not her real name but to give her some privacy that’s what we have settled on. Also, I’m not sharing her photo because she’s technically still in foster care). I had not seen her profile because she was not who I was “looking” for. She was 12 and loved ballet and reading and wanted to focus on her education. But actually, she was exactly the kid and I loved her before I even knew her.

It took several months before we connected but the first conversation with her was nothing short of magical. I had and still have mixed feelings about adopting from foster care, the system and the families impacted (too much to share here- maybe another post), but it has proven to be the best and most wonderful way for me to become a mom. Lottie was unexpected at first because she was not a kid under 5. She is a full blown teen and sometimes I feel like I have jumped into the deep end. But she continues to be unexpected. She is pure light and filled with joy. She is a confident girl who can be shy at times, a mature and responsible student who still gets joy from a video game or stuffed animal. I am in awe at her ability to love, to be vulnerable and to take this leap of faith with me.

I am also in awe of the deep love, support and generosity of our family and friends. They have been with me at every turn leading to this. I checked in with everyone before I started on this journey because I knew the whole village would be needed. Luckily the answer from everyone was an enthusiastic yes. I will forever be thankful for them welcoming and loving us as Lottie and I navigate our way forward as a family. 

We still have a long path ahead. But she is here and her presence is a blessing. I don’t know what this next part of the journey will hold but it will be a Drilling Expedition that is for certain! In a few weeks I will get to share a Dole whip at Disneyland with my daughter. The universe is a wonderful and marvelous thing.

Photo: https://unsplash.com/@jeremythomasphoto